Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - February 2014

01/02/14  ||  Global Domination

Kauan: Pirut

7.4/10

Habakuk: What’s “background music” in Finnish? 5

CadenZ: That would be “taustamusiikkia”, Hab, but this is much too good to be labelled as just “background music”. “Pirut” sports bleak atmospheres and calm, consequent arrangements that peel away all your stress, make you relax and forget all about the turmoil of the world. Though not all acoustic and ambient, sometimes Kauan explode into something resemblant of doom metal, so there’s variation to be had as well. Clearly the winner of this edition. 8

Cobal: Well, I didn’t see this coming. Many, many elements I dig here. The long composition divided in movements, the melodies, the use of themes, and probably most important, the fact that they make the best of the possibilities that a long composition has to offer. Instead of running against the clock, these Russians really took their time to elaborate their musical ideas. Only if you’re into slow stuff and you’re in the right mood, though. 8

sincan: Russians post-rock with Finnish lyrics. Yeah, maybe one can get scared by that description, I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter since this is actually some pretty interesting and atmospheric stuff. 8

Ironpants: This is the best album in this AA. Yep! I´m not bullshitting you. Sounding like some soundtrack from a Finnish love drama where everybody dies from alcohol cirrhosis or by suicide. Sad stuff, but excellent once you get over the Finnish lyrics performed with a tango voice and the rather slow build up of the album. Don’t believe me? Just listen to the fourth track , profoundly named “IV”. 8

Monster Magnet: Last patrol

6.6/10

Habakuk: A few really good tracks – the bonus tracks especially, surprisingly enough – don’t save this from a general mediocre impression. 6

CadenZ: Very nice retro sounding stoner rock, as usual, from one of the most renowned bands in the genre. Have they ever done a weak record? 7

Cobal: Monster Magnet normally delivers good shit. Have they always delivered such Led Zeppelin vibe? 8

sincan: Actually, I have never given this insanely scary magnet much attention. This is a rather interesting rock’n‘blues thing with some southern vibes. 7

Ironpants: You know, for being a bunch of old stoners, they are pretty good at cranking out some alrighty songs. They are back with a new album, and it is pretty standard, but nothing more. Maybe they should smoke some more pot and try to find that old vibe they had going earlier in their career? 5

Netherbird: The ferocious tides of fate

6.3/10

CadenZ: I really love this genre, melodic death/black metal with lots of harmonies and epic arrangements. Bands like Dissection, Unanimated and Naglfar are among my all-time favorites. Netherbird don’t reach those heights, not even close, but still have managed to put together very interesting and listenable songs. What ruins part of the experience for me is the über-shitty production. The drums don’t sound like drums, they’re over-compressed and over-triggered, the guitars have too much distortion, the bass is barely audible and there’s no wholeness to the mix whatsoever. I’m guessing they produced this album by themselves. Next time you should probably think about hiring a professional. If you already did, demand your fucking money back. This just doesn’t cut it. But the music’s good. 5

Cobal: When I looked the lineup of this band, I was truly expecting to find Marcus Ehlin in it, for the resemblance with Siebenbürgen is crystal clear to me. My bad. Still, I thing that’s a good reference to picture what “The ferocious tides of fate” is all about. Perhaps a little more elaborate songwriting now that I put my brains to work upon this. Not my favorite kind of metal anymore, but I can live with it. 7

sincan: Not the black that scratches my balls but it has its moments. 6

Ironpants: You know, when looking at the roster for this AA, this is a gift from above (or below to be precise). Netherbird may be a shitty band name, but the music outweighs that fact. A fine mix of doom, black and death with beautiful guitars, great vocals and the mighty drums of Nils Fjellström, what can go wrong? Tip of the day: You can download all their offerings for free at www.netherbird.com , but I suggest you donate also, so they can continue on their black crusade. 7

Mastic Scum: Ctrl

5.6/10

Habakuk: Even with the bonus of being the only half-decent death metal band this month, it’s quite apparent that Mastic Scum are nothing too special. 6

CadenZ: This kind of death metal with “riffs” is boring as fuck. Breakdowns and palm muting open strings isn’t really my cup of tea. The amazingly triggered drums destroy a lot of the vibe as well. No soup for you. 4

Cobal: Never listened to these guys before. I certainly like their tough crossover between grindcore and death, and dat industrial vibe, mmh. Haven’t finished checking out the list yet. Do I perceive winner scent here? 8

sincan: Only the cover makes my eyeballs turn into white dog poop. This album has too sterile drumming for me, actually (almost) everything is to repetitive here. I still can’t deny that they can play some funky music. 5

Ironpants: Fear Factory on crack? A more brutal version of science fiction metal that may appeal to some people? I find it pretty difficult to get myself going to this though. Still, pretty decent stuff but I sense a deathcore vibe here and there along with some nu-metal stuff and I´m allergic to that shit. 5

Feared: Vinter

5.2/10

Habakuk: Bored. 4

CadenZ: If Soilwork played death metal, polished all the raw out of the mix and excelled on the instrumental tracks (even though the growls are alright), this would be the Vinter of their discontent. 5

Cobal: Okay… At first I felt grateful I was finally listening to something metal in this AA. Then I actually appreciated the arrangements in the early tracks of the album. After that, everything turned into an endless breakdown with corish vocals and they lost me. So after an extra point for the metalness (somewhat): 5

sincan: Well, the album title was good and that was about everything I have to say here. 5

Ironpants: 2 albums in one year, that’s productivity for you right there. Mr. Feared himself, Ola Englund, appears to have no problems what so ever to fill up his days. Releasing self financed albums with Feared, joining The Haunted, testing shit out on his YouTube channel. When will he grow up and get a real job? This album is a continuation on his own project, and it is quality stuff all the way through, but it doesn’t really catch me. Solid work though. 7

Pearl Jam: Lightning bolt

5.2/10

Habakuk: Wow, this is pretty chilled out. I dig it. 7

CadenZ: Seems like Pearl Jam left all of their balls in their back catalogue and still decided to continue releasing albums. The result? Flaccid 90’s pop rock with no hooks whatsoever. 3

Cobal: How some metalheads have clearly stated they’re not into any other type of rock is just beyond my understanding of the Universe. Still, I’ve become acquainted with many, many cases of such degenerate disease. BACK OFF from this if you’re infected, you creep. Just for the record, I ain’t no lover, but this is definitely a decent bunch of rock songs. In fact, I hadn’t realized this guy—whatever his name is—was so capable of writing such well-varied music. From Blues to Punk, and from Ballad to Hard. And doing it right, how fun! Still, the significant presence of fillers is undeniable. I’m honestly tempted to take a plunge into earlier works. 7

sincan: Is this a comeback? I don’t know and don’t care that much actually. Sounds partly as a Foo fuckers copy. Not horrible though, I give them that. 6

Ironpants: One of the last grunge gangs that actually owns the rights to keep on going, just for old times sakes. I can accept them for that fact, still they should get kicked in the ovaries for inspiring shit bands like Nickelback, Hoobastank and Creed. Yarlers of the world…repent! 3

Korn: The paradigm shift

5.0/10

Habakuk: I wonder what that Paradigm got shifted to. Sounds like Korn! 5

CadenZ: Every time I feel like this has passed the border to Suckville, a groovy riff pops up and hits reverse. We don’t get far, but there we go, ADHD-commuting between good and bad. Maybe this is was Nietzsche was rambling about…or maybe not. 5

Cobal: I’ve been voluntarily and involuntarily listening to Korn for more than half my own life now. Yes, their sound finally settled down and yes, this is another good record. Me no quite liking the plain signs of aging, though. 6

sincan: Say what you want about Korn, but they have kind of being great at staying irrelevant the last couple of year/albums. This one is a safe pop album. 4

Ironpants: Back from their dub-step experience, they continue forwards, bringing the good lessons learned from their last album too use in this one. It´s OK, but that’s it. As a matter of fact, I think I liked their dub-shit stuff better? 5

Majesty: Banners high

4.8/10

Habakuk: This sounds like Manowar as teenagers. With all the positive and negative consequences. Everybody older than 14: leave the hall! 6

CadenZ: “Pray for Thunder” is a nice doomy, Bathory-esque, anthem. Otherwise this is some utterly forgettable shit that would probably make the Manowar of today proud. 4

Cobal: Looks like Manowar and sounds like Helloween-slash-Hammerfall of the past. You can’t blame them for trying, can you? As they say, “heavy metal’s always right”. My biggest objection would be they ain’t bringing anything new to the table. Still, 6

sincan: I guess this is a Manowar copy, but I’m not really the man to tell. I guess some people will find the beauty in this oiled up breast type of metal. I lack power in the production. 5

Ironpants: Sounding like Manowar but with absent amounts of testosterone and genital power. Even the dude on the album cover looks like a smaller version of someone from Manowar, but in jeans instead of leather. Womanowar?? 3

Silent Voices: Reveal the change

4.2/10

Habakuk: Hot contender for worst cover of the year already. Get that fucken kid and his stupid kite out of my face. 4

CadenZ: Mediocre prog metal, meet mediocre score. 5

Cobal: Everything I said about Royal Hunt’s is valid for this one too. Perhaps a lil harsher, but pretty similar nevertheless, and without the eventual charm. 5

sincan: STOP THIS FUCKING “GROWN UP DAD/OLD LIGHT BLUE JEANS” ROCK SHIT NOW ALREADY! 4

Ironpants: If the voices actually were silent, they would receive a higher grade. Standard classic metal with a touch of progressiveness. Move on, nothing to see here. 3

Royal Hunt: A life to die for

3.6/10

Habakuk: Everything you need to know about this band is in this picture. 5

CadenZ: Pretentious symphonic rock meets pretentious power metal. Fuck this shit. 3

Cobal: At first I thought ‘twas another Boston-like material here. Luckily, I learnt this wasn’t even the same ballpark before killing everything around me and shoot myself. Instead, pretentious—but good!—symphonic compositions, and virtuoso vocals and instrument lines prevented me from madness. Again, this is hardly my kind of metal, but the professionalism and hard work are evident. It’s all too pretty and perfect, though. 6

sincan: Finally! Well Ironpants is whining so much about this and that and I can’t take his “I need to talk to you”-sessions anymore. Why do I tell you about this here? Well, this is the type of album he has been sleepless for. 3

Ironpants: Don’t you just hate when you try to get ahold of someone and that person just ignores you? I haven’t slept for days, cause a friend tried to get me to listen to this album, and now I think I’ve lost him forever. Sincan, if you read this, call me. 1

Irminsul: Fäder

3.4/10

Habakuk: Reminds me why I generally hate folk music in my metal. Especially when the last song on an album is a “drinking song”. Shut the FUCK up, seriously. 2

CadenZ: As though the girl vocalist having pitch problems wasn’t enough, Irminsuck treat us to some awesome Spartacus-like lead guitars, complete with out-of-pitch bends and vibrato, sloppy alternate picking and the timing precision of a hippo on meth. Learn to play your fucking instrument before you record a fucking album, fuckface. Otherwise this is some utterly corny and forgettable folk metal with a few glimpses of good riffs. Glimpses don’t count for much, though. 3

Cobal: Even if it’s difficult to buy into Viking stuff anymore, I have to say these guys know their stuff. The songs are well written and they keep the cheese at minimum levels. Having said that, the whole thing gets to be boring by track 6 and I was absolutely horrified by the infamous “Neverending Story” cover. To think they were like this from getting a passing grade! 5

sincan: Some of the music on this one is not a complete pile of shit BUT the shame factor alarm screams too much and too often. Imagine a bunch of hardcore role-players having a metal band. But if you are into this kind of music (epic drinking folk metal), you would love this one! 5

Ironpants: Folk metal, you already know what’s gonna happen here? I have extreme problems with this kind of metal, evil troll vocals, flutes and violins and shit, some girl (and dudes) singing here and there with weak clean voices. Excuse me for a second while I turn myself inside out. 2

Trivium: Vengeance falls

3.0/10

Habakuk: I am pretty confident to say that I will die without ever having understood why Trivium are successful (Turned 27 recently). 4

CadenZ: Someone forgot to tell the Trivium boys that even this modernized shred variation of thrash metal needs riffs to work. Just moving power chords around is the same as chord comping, and that brings you dangerously close to pop/rock waters, which is not exactly optimal for a thrash outfit. So without mercy, watch as my penile vengeance falls in the general direction of your ass. 3

Cobal: I don’t always hate metalcore, but when I do, it’s precisely because of this. 2

sincan: Oh, I don’t want to walk this path of ass smear. But one has to do it for the team I guess. Oh, why not start with breakdowns? That is something new, but then we add some James Hetfield wannabe vocals mixed with some Nickelback generically attitude, great success if you want to hit the bottom hard as fuck. 2

Ironpants: People keep calling them “The next Metallica” here and there. What the fuck? Metallica sucks balls nowadays, so I would take that as an insult if I were them. This album is produced by David Draiman which makes them even worse. They fucken sound like Disturbed in some parts. So I guess “The next Metallica” quote may be true then? 4

Black Flag: What the…

3.0/10

Habakuk: I have a soft spot for Black Flag somewhere in my heart, but the demonstrative sloppiness combine with a lack of intensity just puts me off, as it does with a lot of punk. 5

CadenZ: So in what stage of their career are Black Flag planning on learning how to compose something that might pass for music, or play their instruments well? Well?! 2

Cobal: Isn’t punk supposed to be fun? I’m just not feeling it, guys. It’s just terrible to give such a low grade to something that feels so authentic. 4

sincan: Everything with this record is like a forest of cocks. It might be fun to watch for a second or two, but getting trough it is horrible. 1

Ironpants: Yeah, I know they are legends…but, punks must die! 3

Boston: Life, love & hope

3.0/10

Habakuk: If you’re dying for a new Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers album, this is for you. 5

CadenZ: Lifeless 21st century pop production – check. Ultra-polished vocals with no balls whatsoever – check. “More Than a Feeling” rip-off riff on the album’s 2nd track – check. 2

Cobal: Whatever I did, I promise I won’t do it again. Never. 1

sincan: This is so cheesy and unharmful in every single way that it almost becomes good. Somewhere in the background, behind the super produced (not that good from time to time) vocals on the first 400 layers, give or take, is the distorted guitar rocking in its loneliness. Five of the ten tracks has “love” in the song title which shows that if you’re about to celebrate life, do it clearly and not with a fucking carpe diem ass lame core (of shit) a la Avenged Sevenfold. 6

Ironpants: When you are getting really old, I guess all you can hope for is life & love? The music is “old peoples rock” and I for sure know that I will never grow so old that I will enjoy this. 1

Scott Stapp: Proof of life

2.4/10

Habakuk: I’m beginning to suspect there is some asylum for old ass “rock stars” that have been locked in for decades, and now each month one of them is allowed out. Seriously, who on earth is “Scott Stapp”? 3

CadenZ: Scott can sing. Scott cannot write songs. Please, Scott – Stahp. 3

Cobal: Jesus might have been a rockstar for all I care. This idiot is not. Radio Christian rock with somewhat good vocals. Fuck this shit. 2

sincan: This sounds like Christian rock, sorry I mean poop. What’s my proof of life? Only death is real. 2

Ironpants: When a “solo” album is released, and you have no fucken clue who the dude is, it’s probably gonna suck. I Googled that shit of course, and it is the singer of Creed. Did you know? AA Edition “He was born Anthony Scott Flippen, but adopted by Steven Sapp and got his stepfathers last name. Realizing that the initials would be ASS he changed his first name to his middle name, Scott.” My thought, he shoulda released his solo album under that moniker, cause that pretty much sums up the album. 2